Explain to the children’s separation from their parents is not an easy task because of the great emotional burden of the situation. Here you will find some guidelines for carrying it out. The main thing is that the couple be clear that it is they who are separated from their children no, not divorce their parents even though they no longer live together. It should be noted that children are informed once the decision has been taken, ever. We give suggestions for all you know how to explain to your children what is joint custody.
- Submit rupture as a joint decision
It is not always easy, especially because in many cases the decision only part of an individual, but should raise it as a joint decision. It is better to offer only the most summary possible version: “Mom and Dad are not going to live together, we’ll be in different houses,” without going into who left whom or the reasons for it. Sometimes should prepare for this moment to avoid affective expressions of crying, anger etc… The children should be offered a neutral version, which provides security. But it can be done together, then the first one parent and then the other, but making sure the same message.
- Offer security features
We must convey the decision as firm and immovable (assuming so, and so they are informed), who has been thinking long and has reluctantly decided, but they are sure it is the best. Then explain to them that they should have had nothing to do with this decision to live apart, which is not their fault. You also have to report who will leave the house and who will live and when you can see their other parent, as it is much more reassuring for them to be aware of these points. Here we must remind you that you will continue to have a mom and a dad even though they do not live together, and that you will have two houses.
show should not dramatize or victimizing behavior and make it clear that there is no good and bad , no victims or perpetrators. It is also advisable not to lie or encourage fantasies, messages such as “Dad’s Trip” or “Mom is visiting Grandma few days” only contribute to make the acceptance and adaptation to the new family situation, and create a sense of distrust of adults.
- Final Steps
You must speak some days ago that the cessation of cohabitation occurs, so that the child can go assimilating, but always when the decision is already taken, not before. And after a few days you have to let kids express their doubts, worries, feelings … and answer their questions. Here we can distinguish those that are related to you (where I live?, I change my school? …), That should be answered honestly to increase your safety, of which his parents were recorded, where you have to avoid the child to participate in the conflict that may have, allowing you to have a healthy image of both the father and mother, for better mental, social and academic development (eg question but if you live together because it is no longer want, do not answer know if you want to or not, but it is better not to live together now)To read more articles like how to explain to my kids what a joint custody , we recommend you enter our category of Justice in children and family .
- It is important to follow these recommendations so that our children will not feel insecure compared to the preparation
- Parents must assume maturity separation and no blame in front of the children; this could be very detrimental and make the separation even more difficult for all